Babble Without a Pause

April 29, 2016

A love letter

Filed under: Love and Happiness,Random musings,Uncategorized — rajivmathew @ 4:50 am
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If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

 

A little under 2 years ago,  here I sat, hunched over my laptop the night before your first day in Business School, trying to put words to paper. That day, back in May 2014, you were at a crossroad, and you were about to embark on a journey you had seen and touched in your dreams, but never experienced. As I sat in the living room and heard you sound asleep, many thoughts crossed my mind. Worry, elation, stress. But the overriding emotion that night was pride.

2 years on, and that feeling hasn’t changed. You will graduate today. It is a dream I feel I have dreamed almost as often as you have. And I am proud to have been taken along for the ride. As I sat back these 2 years, the silent observer in the corner witnessing you take on everything the world could throw at you, that feeling of pride has only grown, and grown, and grown. Today, its almost the end of April 2016. Pride in you continues to override all else.

What you have done my dear, I have seen no one else do. And that isn’t just husband-speak for “Congrats”. It is my sincerest yet failed attempt at capturing the enormity of what I have witnessed you do. Full-time job 40 hours/week. Bi-weekly flights cross-country and back. Late nights scrambling to complete assignments. Leaving the relative stability of an amazing job, risking it boldly to go searching for your big break. Through it all, your pursuit of perfection never ceased to amaze.

Lately, (and by lately I mean for the past 2 years) I tell my colleagues and our friends every chance I get: “I have no clue how she does it”. And they agree.

Years, decades from now, we’ll both be sitting down to tell our children the importance of chasing their dreams. I’ll point to them, then to that degree certificate you’ll be receiving today, sitting up on the wall all those years down the line, and say “Your ma knows”.

For a guy who  is pretty seldom found short of words, today you’ve done just that to me. I love you. I am immensely proud of you, more than I can explain right now. And because something deep inside tells me this is the start of something amazing for you, I want to tell you babe, that I can’t wait for the rest of this ride.

❤ ❤

 

May 7, 2014

To you

Filed under: Uncategorized — rajivmathew @ 12:31 pm
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For waiting, and waiting, perhaps too patiently.

For biding your time.

For being so ambitious, it still takes my breath away.

For believing in the power of one.

For still sometimes lacking that conviction in yourself.

For wanting this all along.

For yet having had to wait so long.

For having the courage to walk away from everything you had built.

For finally, truly, seeing you were worth more.

For starting afresh.

For giving it your sleep, blood, sweat and tears. And then some.

For hearing a string of rejections.

For numbing yourself to the pain.

For all the times you spoke of aching for one chance.

For almost giving up, then not.

For waiting 30 years to see this day.

For all the times life knocked you down. Over and over.

For still standing up for one more round.

For having had to overcome far more in this life than I hope to ever have to.

For having made it through all that, for this.

 

YOU are my inspiration.

YOU. You are the reason I live, I love, I breathe.

I’ve longed to see this day for so long now.

To see you soar the way you once convinced me I could.

To you, today, I wish you everything.

Take all your prayers, make them mine.

Take everything you wanted to do, and set out to do it, one at a time.

That one solitary acceptance has come.

That one chance has arrived.

That one life-altering moment is here.

And it’s yours.

September 22, 2008

In HIS time :)

It had to happen …. she knew it, I knew it. Our friends knew it. Only thing was, because of a few setbacks along the way, we had begun to forget that it would. We started to doubt it would ever happen. But therein lies the beauty of faith. Of unconditional hope. Sometimes a little faith can go a long way. Way back in September last year, SHE had been offered a chance to go onsite. For whatever reasons at the time, SHE was unable to, since her visa approval didnt get done in time. The position went to a colleague of hers, DESERVING or UNDESERVING, I’m not the judge of that. For a woman this strong, this dedicated and this sincere, better things lay ahead. I knew it, never doubted it for a second and I tried everyday for the next 1 year to convince her she deserved better.

But the human spirit does stretch stronger than the flesh does, than the physical form does. And although the human spirit is the stuff of fabled legends, hers, and in a sense mine, was beginning to wear thin i felt. Yet, in the midst of an uncertain looking future, here was God throwing us a lifeline. It is all well and good to talk about faith, and the need to trust God, but when you’re at your lowest ebb, in your toughest days, sometimes it feels that bit harder to reach out and grab that lifeline. But WE did, and together, WE held on tight to that lifeline. As the days went by, the lifeline grew stronger, a symbol of a promised change, a deserved reward for a long time of toil. I’ve never missed her this much like I did in these last 2 weeks, knowing that it could so easily be the mirage we thought was an oasis so often in the past, knowing she was this close to making it happen.

The past 2 days were one of intense prayer and collective intercession. Amongst my close friends and loved ones, I asked everyone I knew to pray for the matter at hand. I’ve prayed before for things I wanted, but more so alone than in collective effort. More often than not, they were left wanting. This time though, I knew I needed more faith, more prayer and more earnesty. God answers prayer they say, and he stuck true to his word. I surprised myself in church this morning, when instead of my usual prayer, “Lord do this”, or “Lord, please help me achieve this”, I said the same prayer over and over as i sat in the front pew …. “Lord whatever be your plan for HER life, let YOUR will be done”. Maybe it was the fact that for once in my life, I realized that having brought HER, and ME this far, He wouldnt let go.

2 days of fasting brought with it a lot of hunger, but the thought of receiving that call from HER made it all worth it. At the end of it though, it was the perfect way for me to show that there were things other than food that mattered in my life. God is good ….. all the time. And today, he showed me yet another example of just WHY He is so good. Because that is the beauty of God ….. he does what he feels is best for us at that point of time in our lives.Today, He showed ME, and HER, another instance of that. HE MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL, IN HIS TIME.

August 22, 2008

SHE

What can i say about HER that I haven’t already said and isn’t already known. The SHE i’m talking about isn’t the charming Julia Roberts in my favorite movie of all time, Notting Hill. Elvis Costello sings of SHE, i sing of a different SHE.

SHE is the one who makes life go round and round. SHE is my ethereal beauty, the small child lurking inside the professional woman of substance, the mature and yet so youthful face. SHE is the childish innocence, the adorable voice and deep soulful eyes that look deep into you. SHE is the friend I’ve always wished I’d have and so much more. SHE is the shoulder I’d lean on, and the one I’d lend mine to. SHE is the perfect woman in every sense of the word, at so many different levels. SHE is the one i long to talk to everyday, even though i’m so far away. The one with whom i can be myself, in one word …… COMPANION. SHE‘s the one I’d never wanna lose, SHE knows it too.  I always say SHE was born to be a mother. SHE’ll probably be the best mom ever. SHE‘d pamper our kids so much I’d never stand a chance to be the FAVORITE PARENT 😦  I could settle for being their 2nd favorite …… cause SHE‘d love to be with our kids. HERS is the smiling face that shows itself very very rarely, but that smile, when out in full bloom, can put everything else before her to shame. SHE loves her parents, loves her friends and can do anything for those she loves.

SHE is the one who inspires me each day to be better than I am, who can make me angry by pointing out my weaknesses and shortcomings. SHE is the one I’ve misunderstood more than anyone else in my life at so many different points. But SHE is also the one i UNDERSTAND so much more than anyone else can comprehend. SHE is the best friend and sweetheart i always dreamt my life partner would be. SHE is the beauty in all its fullness that no other girl can have. SHE is my biggest fan, my sternest critic, yet the familiar face in a crowd of strangers. SHE‘s the one I’d love with all my heart until the day i die. SHE is the one for whom i can do things i never thought possible. Maybe one day I’ll get the chance to show her how much I can sacrifice for HER. SHE is the quietest face in the party, yet the most talkative when SHE talks to me over the phone. SHE is the most contemplative being I’ve encountered, always criticizing herself even when the mistake was committed by someone else.

At the heart of all this complexity is a simple being, one untouched by the world, unaffected by the politics, the wrangling, the world out there. The innocence in HER is something i have never been able to comprehend, and there’s something so very endearing and adorable about that quality. SHE has and always will remain the same, the same quiet voice, the tear in her eye that tells you SHE loves you, the quiet moments you share. SHE has carried on when lesser mortals might have faltered, or even given up. SHE has made it through such tough circumstances in her personal struggles, that I am ashamed to call myself a man, cause i know i never could muster that courage. SHE is destined to do great things in her life, do be SO VERY different from the ordinary, and to rise above what she’s faced.

SHE is the complete package. SHE is the one i was meant to spend my life with. I found HER late in my life after having been through hell because of some worthless beings. SHE was always the friend always right in front of me, who I did not recognize until it was almost time to say goodbye. Yet, throught it all, I learnt that there is a time for everything, and I’m glad I got to know HER when I did rather than lose her forever. My past is one big mistake, but SHE is the reason i can and want to forget my past and look forward to OUR future. There is ONLY 1 OF HER IN THIS WORLD, and I’m the luckiest guy alive, to know her, and have her as my soulmate.

SHE.

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