Abbreviated

Life’s too short, we are told. With a world gone digital, and everyone online, it appears our vocabulary has shrunk to a handful of ridiculous acronyms to meet the need of the times. It seems like, almost overnight, we’ve been transported into an alternate universe when kids rattle off the exact specifications on a Wii or PS3 before they’ve even learned the ABC. Elementary school kids, barely out of diapers, are busy circulating the latest forwarded SMS, while their more illustrious seniors are busy doing the naughty on MMS (LOL!) A 6-year old who’s just graduated from potty training could put you to shame with his ability to rattle off the names of every character in every video game, from CoD to WoW, AoE to GTA, GP4 to GT4. Every teen, tween, and pre-pubescent is going OMG at the latest Justin Bieber video. We’re obsessed with celebrities and their lives, who they did LSD with, or how many partners they’ve had SEX with (TMI!). In an always online world, everyone’s status line is habitually set to DND, and even if they do find the time to talk, they’ll always BRB because they’ve GTG. We all have varying degrees of ADD, switching between Facebook, Hulu, Youtube and ESPN while attempting to finish work due the next day, from within the confines of the same four mind-numbing walls of the same office cubicle. Every yuppie BSC and MBA aspirant is awake late at night, trying to ace one or all of the CET, SAT, ACT, GRE, CAT, just so he can secure his ticket into the IIT or IIM of choice, ensuring his place as the newest FOB to fly BLR -> LHR -> JFK to take over as the CEO or CFO of a massive corporate empire like UPS or UBS, in a swank office overlooking NYC.

With IPL season 4 due to begin soon, it can only mean one thing; more ADD at the office, and even more OCD at home, characterized by family feuds for control of the TV remote, between equally passionate fans of the rival EPL and NBA leagues. When cricket isn’t on the tube, RAW is WAR. When neither of these is on, CSI rules primetime TV, I don’t know WTF for (SMH). If all else fails, it’s time to switch between CNN, IBN, ABC, BBC, NBC and the slew of trusty 24-hour news channels that recycle and repackage the same combination of non-news ad naueseum. IDK about you, but IMO the standard of television programming has plummeted depths heretofore unknown to the human civilization.

As a PPL, we have disturbingly low patience levels today. Every website has an FAQ page; every bank has an ATM, because everyone wants to get things done ASAP. We don’t have enough time to procreate the natural way, so we go in for IVF. We demand instant gratification, without any of the hassle or effort. Unable to cook at home, and unwilling to even try tossing a relatively healthy BLT on the BBQ, we buy dangerously toxic sludge ‘food’ (AKA ‘Happy’ meals, McNuggets, and Whoppers) from KFC and McD, and watch in surprise as we pack on the LBS. Too tired from the weight gain and premature onset of obesity, we barely have enough energy to WFH. Mechanics and garages are no longer open, because every Tom, Dick and Sally has a DIY kit from the ACE hardware store; but if you are unable to get past step 1 on the installation manual, good luck since the only thing you’ll reach if you call customer support is an IVR machine, or if you’re really lucky, an employee in a call center in BLR, who, even if he does an adequate job of helping with what you need, will get no more than a cursory grunt of acknowledgement. Lets face it, we’re in such a hurry, who has time to say things like THX, leave alone PLZ, SRY and ILU?

For a gadget to catch our attention, it has got to be flashy, sleek, fast, or all of the above. Your neighbour down the road just purchased the latest and greatest IBM, with the hottest RAM and superfast CPU, which means it’s definitely time for you to upgrade from your 20 year old computer running DOS so you can download pirated music from the best P2P service online. Your USP might be ESP, but today, nobody will even notice, since they’re busy on their PSP. Technology has empowered the common man beyond what anyone ever imagined. It’s fairly simple today to purchase a full-fledged SLR and all the snazzy equipment that comes with it, and begin snapping away as many JPGs as your gigantic memory card can hold, and JLT you’re a star photographer.In a digital world obsessed with computers, FUD is the order of the day. Y2K came and went at the turn of the millennium, yet none of us died. The CIA, FBI and NSA would have you believe everyone who reads a koran is a terrorist, and do a fine job of trying to make you fear for your life everytime you walk down the street. Online, everyday is a never-ending saga of OWN or PWN, with some hacker breaking into and accessing unauthorized data. Any and every achievement, big or small, is trumped online as being FTW. Yes, seriously. WTF is FTW? Technology moves along at breakneck pace, best exemplified by antiques like STD, ISD, FAX and PCO which have died a slow and painful death, leaving clueless phone booth operators in their wake, as every second techno-savvy teen whips out their shiny new HTC which claims to do everything short of actually substituting for toilet paper.

The economy today has been in a steady downward spiral for longer than we can remember. PSUs sink each day, and companies announce very public and very profitable IPOs to make hay while the sun shines. NGOs have mushroomed all over the place, almost like a rodent infestation. Each day the USD, the INR and the GBP wage a largely pointless battle for currency superiority. No matter what you purchase, big or small, whether it be a top-of-the-line DVD or VCD player, or a spanking new ZEN, KIA, GMC, or a DIO, you have to think long and hard ABT your how much you’re willing to shell out on your EMI at the end of the month.

FYI, contrary to what you think, politics is no different in India than it is in the USA. There you have the INC fighting the BJP. Here you have the DEMs fighting the GOP. The same scumbag politicians are in it to win it; benefactors of kickbacks offered by powerful corporate lobby houses, from the NRA to AIG, LIC to ING. In 2001 Saddam was suspected to be hiding WMDs, the US government has long been suspected to be hiding UFOs,  and Chinese restaurants have long been blatantly loading MSG in their food. Sure, it tastes GR8, but apparently it’s bad for you (FML!).  At the EOD, maybe its time to sit down and face the harsh reality. Let’s say a quiet RIP for a world possessed of some sanity, which we lost ages ago. Maybe it’s time to send an SOS to our last hope for a solution, Santa Claus. NVM actually. Maybe some things aren’t meant to be fixed.

Hold on JAM. I gotta take this call.

“Hello …”

“Yes, speaking. Who’s this.”

“Jimmy who? Sorry? Jimmy Wales? ”

“Sincere thanks from the folks at Wikipedia for all the link-backs to your home page? Why, you’re most welcome. What’s that you say, 1000 unique hits in an hour? ”

GTG for now. BRB.

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This post is an obviously amateur, slightly comical take on the pervasiveness of acronyms and shorthand in the lexicon of present-day English usage all over the world. It is a humble tribute to the late legend, George Carlin, (inspired largely by THIS performance entitled ‘Modern Man’). Watching it, you can’t help but simultaneously be left in awe at the genius of this man, as well as be let down by the intellectually inferior fare you just read.

The Scum-n-Wealth Games

© http://www.timescontent.com

 

Welcome to India. The land of open sewers, stray dogs, dengue fever, and lower standards of hygiene. Or atleast that’s what the clowns (read: politicians) running this circus (read: country) would have you believe. A land of plenty (excuses, that is) and poverty (the entire sporting infrastructure, recently broken overhead bridge included, was built using silly putty and superglue, because, you see, we simply cannot afford cement to build actual bridges in the midst of this recession).  Lalit Bhanot, secretary general of the Commonwealth Games organising committee, was heard saying at a news conference recently that the athletes’ accommodation needed a “deep cleaning”, but everything would be ready on time. “According to us the room may be clean, but the foreign officials may require a certain standard of cleanliness and hygiene which may differ from our standards,” he said. Welcome to India, indeed. Swalpa adjust maadi.

STUPID phoren people with their hygiene and precious sanitation. The nerve of those spoilt brats! Yes sir, our Indian athletes would much rather sleep on a surface that was earlier defecated on by a stray animal, than on a clean, plush mattress made from a thousand goose feathers.  They most certainly prefer to perform their morning ablutions in toilets that won’t flush, and bathtubs that won’t drain. I assure you, our beloved Indian sportsmen wouldn’t mind taking communal showers, and sleeping on bamboo floor mats. Speaking of standards, we DEFINITELY have extremely low ones, and those are best typified in the hordes of uneducated illiterate buffoons we elect to take charge of the highest offices in the country.

My sympathies go out to our esteemed IOA chairman, and head of the Commonwealth Games committee Mr. Suresh Kalmadi; how, in his infinite wisdom could he have predicted in 2003 upon leading a successful Indian bid for the 2010 games, that 7 years of notice would not suffice to build a stadium and sporting facilities atleast upto national standards, leave alone international standards. How dare the CWG committee thrust such impractical, unreasonable expectations on his fragile shoulders ? Reached for comment, Suresh Kalmadi had this to say. Wait, whats that ? He’s nowhere to be found ? Manmohan Singh has relieved him of his duties ? Oh.

Speaking of imbeciles, somewhere on a yacht in the middle of the Indian Ocean, with a proximity-sensing CBI-issued ankle bracelet strapped to his weary legs, a certain Mr. Lalit Modi is quietly exulting in the fact that he isn’t the biggest scamster in Indian sport. That honour now goes to the Indian government, the CWG committee and the thousands of greasy yes-men involved in this fiasco, who now stand head and shoulders above the rest, in terms of sheer incompetence. Given how this is going, the sadist in me is definitely looking forward to the 1st ever Indian Formula-1 race scheduled to be held in Delhi next year. Chances are, we could have potholes instead of hairpin bends, stray dogs patrolling the track instead of race stewards, makeshift tarpaulins to make up for the lack of a roof, and plastic chairs in lieu of grandstands lined with Tifosi.

Of course, none of this fiasco would be possible without the wilful support and encouragement of all species that constitute the government food chain, from the bottom (the office babu with paan stains on his white shirt white pant and white shoes), through the mid-level contractor(s) building the stadiums, all the way to the top (sports minister who doesn’t know what a Commonwealth IS), and ending with the (dis)honourable chief minister Ms. Sheila Dixit. Upon being questioned about the quality (or lack thereof) of the games facilities, Ms. Dixit appeared peeved, before nonchalantly replying “The games are not collapsing”. Umm, I’m sorry to interrupt you madam, but the makeshift roof at the weightlifting arena just did.

The “We are like this wonly” attitude is what has carried our beloved country thus far, and God forbid we let it go now. Which probably explains our elation upon getting a silver Olympic medal after 50 years, instead of dejection on missing out on the gold. We are a nation of average (hygiene and standards, apparently). Or our ability to summon the gall needed to tell the world this is our idea of an international sporting event. It’s why we decide to spend millions of Rupees to stage a bid for the 2010 Commonwealth Games, then decide to do a half-ass job of it. We are like that wonly.

At the time of going to press, word around town is that the nearly 200-strong England national athletic contingent have been asked to share a 8-bed 1-bath apartment in the Sri. Sri. Rajiv Gandhi Memorial Residential block (you seem surprised by that name) of the aforementioned athletes village. Also crammed into the 8 bedrooms – a herd of cows that wandered in from nearby pastures, who now refuse to leave. The Brits seem to have hammered out a sleeping arrangement with the cows, the terms of which dictate that the athletes themselves will abdicate their beds to the cows, so long as the bovines don’t leave cow dung lying around on the floor. The poor Poms have also been requested to share toothpaste, soap and towels for the duration of the games with the Australian team sleeping on the balcony, a request that was met with an emphatic “Sod off, MATE !“ by the Aussie team.

Let the shames, I mean Games, begin.

Indian Pimping League

Ah, the IPL ! That great pimp of us all. Makes whores of that illustrious breed of fine human beings called commentators and desperate customers of us, the breed of ever-willing rabid cricket lovers. Add to that some fantastic TV producers who cut away from the on-field action every 30 seconds so we can look at strategically placed ground-level cameras focussing on upskirt angles of cheerleaders gyrating with an almost obscene vulgarity that seems more like a borderline advertisement for Victoria’s Secret. Voyeurs around the world seem to be having a field day with this, and might  eventually become cricket fans, almost as an afterthought.  Throw into the mix the players, paid obscene amounts of money for 3 weeks of work, and VOILA !what you have is the closest thing society has come, or will ever come to approving a public brothel or legalized prostitution.

And lest I forget, the sponsors. Agreed, they pay filthy sums of money to have their name shouted from the rooftops at every conceivable moment, but have we REALLY come to this ? A six is now a DLF’er (or a DLF Maximum). A wicket is now called a Citi moment of success, obviously in reference to that oh-so-obvious paragon of SUCCESS, Citibank ! The hyperbole and the forced excitement in the voices of these overpaid, undereducated, pompous, vocabulary-deprived unsuccessful ex-players would be laughable, if it wasn’t so jarring and loud. Ravi Shastri, for example seems to forget that he has a microphone fitted into and held in place by the nose hair in his bellowing nostrils, (a microphone, Mr. Shastri, is a device that can, amplify your voice so you don’t have to blare it out like a foghorn). Mr. Laxman Sivaramakrishnan, that symbol of talent and longevity (who, by the way played all of 9 tests and 14 ODIs), rambles on and on, incoherently about Sachin’s batting stance, and technique, while pointing to the way JP Duminy’s front foot is coming “back and across”. Sunil Gavaskar can’t get enough of the Dilscoop, even though that last shot was an on-drive straight down the ground.

Which reminds me, its Time for the Hindustan Lever Super Stat – Batting Averages

• L Sivarama-watshisface – 2.50
• JP Duminy – 34.94
• Sachin Tendulkar – 45.12

Lalit Modi has gone on record, saying

I see the IPL becoming bigger than the NFL, the NBA, the English Premier League. 

Sure. Why Not. I think so too. Can’t you just see Kobe Bryant making the game winning Burger King buzzer beater. Or Tim Duncan stepping up to the Free Throw line, with a none-too-subtle AD at the bottom of the TV screen showing a  Huggies AD, with a punchline rolling across screen, “HUGGIES – Freedom for babies Free Throw“. Or Joe Flacco making the game winning touchdown for the Baltimore Ravens against the Minnesota Vikings, with a hyperactive commentator on ESPN yelling, “…… and he scores, he scores !!! 7 points,….. with the TYLENOL touchdown !!!”. Close your eyes now. Can’t you just see it now ? Wayne Rooney makes a brilliant run down the left flank, all the way to the penalty box. He tackles, one, two defenders, makes a brilliant side-step and makes a brilliant, curling shot into the top right far post  “…….. for the GATORADE goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooallllll “. Yup. I see it now.

Here’s the beef I have with commentators and others of their ilk. These are the same guys, Harsha wheres-my-hairpiece Bhogle , Sunil I-wish-my-son-was-a-half-decent-batsman Gavaskar , Ravi flaring-nostrils-RayBan-at-night Shastri, Laxman oiled-and-slicked-Tamil-movie-star-wannabe Sivaramakrishnan, who write endless syndicated columns by day and during the week, romanticizing Test Cricket, and all its qualities, who go on unendurably from Monday to Friday about how  Twenty 20 cricket is a sham, a mere show, a carnival of humungous proportions, which can never mimic the appeal and the endurance of Test cricket. These same guys go into their commentary booths come Saturday and Sunday, and jump off their seats everytime a DLF Maximum is hit, or the bowler delivers a JAFFER of a delivery, or celebrate with the Deccan Chargers when theyve had a CITI moment of Success.

Commentators apart, the players are no less erudite in their assessment of the game. Shanthakumaran Sreesanth, for example, when asked after the game, says he “tried to bowl in the right areas”. I guess thats why you went for 125 runs in your 10 overs, while making faces in a sad attempt to intimidate the batsmen, nincompoop. You have bowlers saying they tried to “hit the deck hard” … (whatever that means), or fielders who “fly through the air to take a stunning catch inches from the ground” (Poor Superman has got a complex). Then you have captains  – at the toss, saying ridiculous things like we’re-looking-to-win (No kidding?) , or “The toss doesn’t matter” (Oh yeah, wise guy ? Why did you go out there … to see how many sides a coin has ??),  or after the game, going “the boys did well“. Even though they lost.

Let put all that aside for the present. Cause the GIANT circus has just rolled into town. For now, lets sit back and  partake of the legalized flesh-trade show that is the IPL 2010, and be glad we don’t have to deal with the nonsensical cowardly imbecile called Fake IPL Player this time around. Let all the hackneyed references to tracer-bullet, super-shots, fine tickle, gone like a rocket, going-going-gone,  that one’s out of here and bowling good line and length BEGIN.

Do gays REALLY need rights ?

Probably not. Cause after all, they’re sick people, with a sordid way of life. Not like repressed Catholic priests who sodomize or rape and sexually abuse children for decades and hide behind the veil of religion and morality, using dirty money of the Vatican church to pay off billion dollar lawsuits. They’re definitely worse than the politicians who scam you senseless, abuse power to feed their greed and misuse public support to achieve their twisted, hidden agendas. Yup, they’re more sinful than the despicable tele-evangelist on your GodTV, using the name of God in vain, asking you to donate your hard earned money so he can wear some more bling on his fingers, wrist and God knows where else, all in the name of religion. That same evangelist who preaches that gays are an abomination in the sight of God, and gets caught the next day, in a gay bar hiring male prostitutes.

Yes, in the fabled never-ending fight between good and evil, gay people are decidedly the worst people in the world, and straight people are the ones going straight up(pardon the pun) to the pearly gates of Heaven, to ride along with St. Peter in a golden chariot for all eternity.

AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER ?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, ‘How do I know if I married the right person?’ I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, ‘It depends. Is that your husband?’ In all seriousness, she answered ‘How do you know?’

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind.

Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit). Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called ‘falling’ in love… Because it’s happening TO YOU .

People in love sometimes say, ‘I was swept of my feet.’ Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy . It’s a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship . Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies , instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, ‘Did I marry the right person?’ And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown . People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t ‘find’ LASTING love. You have to ‘make’ it day in and day out. That’s why we have the __expression ‘the labor of love.’ Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable… you can ‘make’ love .

Love in marriage is indeed a ‘decision’… Not just a feeling.

Remember this always :

‘God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.’

Dr. John C Maxwell

http://www.johnmaxwell.com

Imagine

In the tormented times we live in today, only love can conquer hate. One visionary song composed in 1971, by John Lennon speaks of a world with no possessions, no wars, no hate. ONLY LOVE. Watch his original song and follow along with the lyrics, and you can also dream of a world united by love, not torn by hate. Imagine, 37 years after this song, nothing has changed. Maybe the time is now, Maybe we are the ones who can start the beginning of the new world. “Its easy if you try ….”

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today…

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

About having your cake – AND eating it too

The person who once famously wrote “You can’t have your cake, and eat it too” :

• Surely didn’t do a Masters in Science in Security Informatics at Johns Hopkins.
• Never ever experienced the delicious spread at innumerable potlucks all over the place
• Never started an assignment at 2:00 AM for a submission later the same day.
• Never ever tried pressing all the buttons on the elevator from 1 to 6 just to bug the friends riding with him.
• Did not work at Johns Hopkins CTY at some point in his Masters life.
• Definitely didn’t stay up for 36 hours at a stretch one time.
• Never ever went up to his professor or TA asking for more marks which he claimed he “deserved”
• Did not live on a staple diet of MAGGI (This is wat us INDIANs call what you Americans refer to as “Ramen”)
• Did NOT stay up multi-tasking between a project, an exam submission and a homework.
• For sure did NOT take Theoretical Cryptography.
• Never really experienced HAPPY HOUR in the truest sense of the word.
• Did not eat a minimum of 1 meal a day at Chipotle, Subway or Silk Road cafe
• Never ever had to endure the pain of having buttons 7, 8, and 9 on the elevator pressed as revenge
• Never ever experienced the sheer bliss of free food events. Lunch/Midnight breakfast/Dinner. Wherever, Whenever.
• DID NOT use the JHU escort van for a free ride, everywhere from Carlyle to Punjab to Giant to Rotunda to Happy Hour.
• Definitely cannot understand what a 4+4+2 or 5+5+0 meant
• Did NOT take the HIPAA course, sit through the monotony of Prof. James Hodge and live to tell the tale.
• Never flipped between Facebook & Gmail & YahooMail! & Orkut & JHU Mail every 5 seconds for updates.
• Did not watch 7713 videos on Youtube starting March 2008. (Yeah, you heard it right !!!)
• Surely does not know wat Stana Card, or Rebtel mean (FYI – its a long distance International calling card)
• Seriously  cannot claim to have done close to 80% of coursework with the same partner 🙂 Wich was so freaking awesome fun 🙂
• Never ever got so interested in politics as he did during his Masters. Oh the memories !
• Never tried his hand at playing MAFIA. And LOST. MISERABLY.
• Never EVER had the enjoyment of reading blonde jokes of all varieties with his project partner, while doing a Forensics project.
• Never heard a certain professor talk about pornography in a certain class of the Computer Forensics kind.
• Definitely DID NOT sit in Java Security class n exchange sleepy looks and PATHETIC jokes over chat with aforementioned project partner.
• Never attended career fairs SIMPLY to load up on the free T-shirts, key chains, bottles, pens and Rubiks cubes.
• Never had the chance to go up to Mountain View, CA, and interview with a certain company called G.O.O.G.L.E.
• Definitely DID NOT get an A in the final project of his Masters program.
• Never enjoyed the pure essence of being in college. AGAIN.

The person who famously quipped “You can’t have your cake, and eat it too” definitely hasn’t been on one of them rollercoasters of life, aptly termed the Masters. I say aptly termed, because when u get done with your Masters, you really feel you’ve MASTERed an insurmountable peak. You’ve evaded an avalanche of giant rocks thrown at you at the same time from all different directions. You see, finishing a MASTERS isn’t one of those experiences you simply savour and then forget. Its one of those you truly cherish. And i mean, REEEEEEEEEEEALLLLY  cherish.I can honestly say with total and utter confidence that, I will always remember THIS DAY, 11th December 2008 as the HAPPIEST of my life till my wedding day. The entire spectrum of emotions sweeping over me,  I cannot even begin to explain. Suffice it to say : “You’ve reached Rajiv Mathew’s voice mail service. I am curently flying higher right now than anyone can reach. Please leave your name, a number and a message after the beep. BEEEEEP !! ”

Today, having just got my final grade, and now officially DONE with my Masters, I can turn to that guy and say ….. “DUDE. I had my cake for a year and a half. And today, I’m eating it too. Not just ANY cake, but a devil’s food chocolate cake, loaded with chocolate chips, enveloped in a CREAMY white icing, topped with Wild strawberries and a can full of whipped cream, with a thick slab of PURE dark chocolate and a SOLITARY CHERRY ON TOP ………… WANNA TRY SOME ??? “.

In the land of the blind…

Another barbaric attack ….. another few disillusioned young men drawn into and brainwashed into terrorism, to savage a country and hold it to ransom for 60 hours. Another hundred or two hundred lives snatched away in an instant. Yet at the end of it all, how far have we come. Since the last attack on Mumbai, that bustling epitome of India’s spirit, the instinct to survive and move on with your life, how much has changed in the way we have looked at our own security. The politician’s perspective certainly hasnt changed. He still prowls around the area, waiting for the opportune moment to pounce on a city ravaged with war, terror and attacks on its innocence. And come election time, no matter what the previous government did, the incumbent is made to look like a terrorist, with mud slinging matches waged with such ferocity and passion.

The politician’s point of view hasn’t changed one bit in those 2 years that have gone by, purely because he hasn’t lost a close member of his family. He still drives around the city when and where he pleases, with his Z-level security, attending the occasional session of Parliament, storming the well of the house (Lok or Rajya Sabha), demanding adjournement for the days proceedings, throwing that tantrum long enough for the speaker to adjourn the session. A nice leisurely stroll outside Parliament lawns, and back again that afternoon for another stalled session of parliament, held up by another moron, armed with the most trivial of reasons to postpone the parliament session till the next day. All done for the day, and its back to the free airline ride back home in business class, and all the other perks. If there’s one thing our politicians haven’t realized till today, it’s that they are reponsible for the security of India. Yes, INDIA. NOT Mumbai, NOT Chennai, NOT Hyderabad, NOT Delhi. FOR INDIA. For the security of its people, and to uphold the sovereignty of the country, that has been entrusted into their not-so-able hands. Death hasn’t hit them as close as it has hit us, hit our friends and their families, hit our own loved ones. Which is why they still walk around with the audacity to tell us we’re safe when clearly we are not.

When a boat loaded with armed youth docks near Colaba to offload a few young men, with satchels on their shoulders, everybody shrugs, pays little heed, and walks on. Not one suspicious look here or there. Thats cause we’ve been exposed to so much in our lifetime, that when we see obvious hints before us, we often fail to see them. What was the Coast Guard doing at the time. Shouldn’t every single boat/ship/cruise liner entering the maritime border be subjected to the most intense scrutiny and security check? Its easy to say this in retrospect, once you know where they come from. How much easier should it have been then, for politicians to stop their bickering for once, and realize the threat before it struck in such horrific fashion. POTA came into effect in 2002. In the intervening 6 years, how many terrorists have been detained under this law, found guilty and been sentenced to death or life imprisonment ? Easy. Barely a handful. Contrast this with the number of politicians who’ve used and abused this for their whims and politican mileage. Vaiko, an inconsequential player in Indian politics, is symbolic of this problem. Pass a law into effect, and the loopholes in it get used by every singe politician. Compare this with the USA. As those of you who know me will agree, I’m not among the biggest fans of the USA. The one attack that was perpetrated on their soil was 9/11 and their reaction was so swift, so hard, it crushed the forces of terror that carried out those crimes. In the past 7 years, NOT ONE single attack has been carried out on US soil since. This isn’t to imply that the USA is suddenly a safe haven in the midst of global terror. It’s just the way they have responded. They’ve got into the mindset of that terrorist, and acted swiftly and with force. Contrast this reaction with that of the Indian government.

Look at this video, and tell me how much confidence you got in the government and their capability to handle the situation, by hearing Mr. Manmohan Singh talk here. NONE. In all honesty, it looks like the PM was reading his message off a teleprompter as is so often the case, NOT speaking TO the Indian populace from his heart, from a strong conviction that the perpetrators of this crime would not be let free that easily. In all honesty, if you want visible proof of the last vestiges of Manmohan Singh’s manhood, you could probably find them floating in a bottle of formaldehyde, on Sonia Gandhi’s desk. Truth is, the man lost all trace of his manhood the second he got installed as the puppet Prime Minister by Sonia Gandhi. The man has POSITIVELY NO SENSE of how to lead a country. For those who disagree, let me remind you here is the man, the self same man who was our leader when Mumbai got attacked in 2006. There again, he promised to find the terrorists and hunt them down. Whats changed. The answer? NOTHING. Nothing has changed cause this government, as others before it, believes in patching up the system, not overhauling it in its entirety. Nothing has changed because apart from talking, this government has done absolutely nothing, to ensure such terrorists are nabbed. Life simply goes on, the politicians make their stump speech about the Spirit of Mumbai, among other cliched terms, to stir up strong emotions within us, to inspire some hope, then pray really hard that the citizens forget the trauma, and that life goes back to normal.

Today, the government will react, I’m sure, by deciding to pass a law to secure the water boundaries all around its perimeter. Too little, too late. In the land of us blinded by rage, the one eyed man has convinced us that we are indeed blind, and that they know the path to safety. To them, i say ENOUGH. ENOUGH of your abuse of power. ENOUGH of trivial words like loss, unity, patriotism, anger that you bandy around in moments like these. ENOUGH of old men, past their 60s, 70s and possibly 80s, running their country, like a record player stuck on the same discordant note. ENOUGH of petty bullshit like Mr. Manmohan Singh, Jaswant Singh, and L K Advani bickering on whether or not to fly in the same airplane side by side, while the paratroopers, the NSG are forced to wait 15 hours. 15 BLOODY HOURS. And ultimately take a ride on Delhi BestBus to get to Mumbai. If you leaders can’t coexist, why are you in power in the 1st place. it is US, the imbeciles, the fools who vote you into power every single time and are made to feel like bigger fools with every immature, reckless and political statement you make. Imagine the leader of a country, supposed to be a minority leader, for whom it is too low or demeaning to fly with the opposition leader. For whom his ego needs to be massaged in the midst of a national crisis. What kind of IMPOTENT wimp of a leader of a nation is this. No wonder we are the constant target of terror strikes on such a scale.

Dawood Ibrahim must be sitting in Pakistan now amazed beyond his wildest imagination at the ease with which he was able to carry off this entire mission. Yet we’re the ones left grappling and trying to come to terms with this monumental loss of life. The first step we can take as a nation is not to play the blame game. Thats the prerogative of the government, and thats something they are specialized at. I was rather amused to hear this piece of analysis from one of the experts, on one of the leading news channels. He said “I dont think the government itself knows the meaning of intelligence, and I’m talking about a different kind of intelligence here”. When a government deliberately ignores intelligence reports indicating a major strike on the country, some heads must roll. But apart from the traditional rolling of heads, concrete steps must be taken to ensure this kind of idiocy, foolish ineptitude is never witnessed again, not by our generation, and for sure not by our children. Government at the highest level needs to be purged of the officials who do nothing. We’re sick of words. We want deeds to back up those empty hollow words.

More than anything else, this incident should be the wake-up call for the rest of us. Never before in terrorist history has the entire event played out before our very eyes. 60 hours of non-stop coverage of the event, almost turned the lives of Mumbaikars into reality TV beamed into our living rooms. By taking it lying down all these years, we’ve emboldened the terrorist organizations worldwide to attack us. 2 years back, they used bombs planted in crowded suburban trains. Today, they walked into our bus terminals, our homes and hotels in a city we are proud to call ours, and opened fire with the confidence that comes only from foolishness or the confidence that comes from a feeling of invincibility. I suspect it is the latter. Today they took our hotels hostage, tomorrow it could very well be our homes. We aren’t safe in our homes anymore, and this wake up call has sounded way too close for us to ignore any longer. Our entire political system needs upheaval, and the government should be held responsible for its actions (more so, the lack of any).

Above all else, here is a message to the government. STOP taking the SPIRIT of this great country for granted. Every single time we have been held to ransom by terrorist forces, Mumbai has stood tall as a beacon of strength, a symbol of perseverance through personal loss and bereavement. People have woken up the next day and taken the same metro train that was blown to bits the day before. That comes from an inner resolve, a strength that goes beyond human fortitude. It has come from the belief that we are strong enough to make it through anything. But this crisis has shown us that we are all too mortal.

But here’s my one SINGULAR message to the political hierarchy in Delhi, Mumbai and our country in general. Today you were lucky to survive. Tomorrow it could strike closer home to YOU. That could be YOUR family in the Taj or some other posh locale. Even an iron-clad spirit can break. the most strong-willed resolve can crack. Don’t wait for us to crack. Be the support we need to hold us up. STOP TAKING THE SPIRIT OF MUMBAI FOR GRANTED. JUST AS YOU SHOULD STOP TAKING YOUR COUNTRY FOR GRANTED. The spirit of this glorious nation is in the courage of its brave people. It not some untapped resource for you to use at ur whims to explain away all your failings. We’ve been blind to your ineptitude till now, and you have convinced us all along that you knew better. We’ve got our own eyes opened now, and we’ve got them focussed squarely on you.

On life … or what has become of it

As i write this piece, a lot of conflict is rushing through my mind at a million thoughts a second. On the one hand, I barely have 24 days remaining to complete my Masters, and I am so rushed and found wanting for time that I’m not even sure of completing my project in time. On the other, over the past 48 hours, I’ve heard and read about things happening in the world I live in, which have made me stop, take notice of the life i live, and how it impacts the ones around me. All said and done, I sit down to this piece, with a heavy heart, and a lot of soul searching. In the past 48 hours, I’ve read with absolute horror, as I’m sure many of you have, of the shooting in a Syrian Orthodox church in New Jersey, in which 3 people were killed. I don’t know the victims on a personal level, not sure how many of you do, but to hear that this is what the value of life has become, is indeed saddening to me, as it should be to all of us. Life, a human breath, reduced to an angered man driving 3000 miles, from Sacramento to New Jersey, with the sole driving thought of killing his estranged wife. A wife he loved till not too long ago, and whom he had children with. I cannot imagine what must have driven him into this uncontrolled rage, a rage which in the process, consumed the innocent life of 2 others, including Dennis John, a man in the summer of youth, who by all accounts, was a young man dedicated to his church, his friends, and in church that day worshiping his God. What kind of pathetic existence are we leading in this world, if we aren’t safe in the sanctuary of God ? A place where we go to get away from the pains and struggles of everyday meaningless existence for some soul searching and meaning in life. Its high time we wake up and realize we’re sinking deeper into the ethical and spiritual decline the moment we aren’t safe in a mosque, or a church, or a temple, a gurudwara or in our own little place of spiritual reconnect.

At the heart of this issue is a persistent nagging question that has been eating at me for a while now. Besides the value of our lives, which I’m sure is a question that has haunted us at some point of time, it also brings into strong focus the futility of religion, of marriage as an arranged event, of a man and woman being united in holy matrimony, till “death do us part”. Lets face it, we live in a time in history which accords no value to dignity of life, to the sacrosanct nature of marriage. Marriage after marriage ends up in divorce, bitterness, or suppressed hidden failed marriages, or in the most extreme cases, they lead to people getting killed. The very woman Joseph M. Pallipurath promised on his wedding day to “have and to hold, in sickness and in health….” was the target of his inhuman, brutal revenge flooded mind. He was so blinded by rage, he walked in and shot her point blank, then walked out and drove away. He didn’t care that she was the mother of his children, that she was the love of his life, at some earlier point, or that her life mattered to others, that she was someone’s daughter, or sister, or niece.

Marriage, from my eyes, represents the love between 2 people (man & woman, man & man, woman & woman  that’s your decision to make), who through a process over time, have realized that they represent a crucial missing link in each others life, which only they can fill. I have been in love but once, and I love her with all my heart. It pains me to see myself part of a larger world, where marriage is often, a means to dowry haggling, greed, strife and needless fighting between families. What have we become, when statistics show that over 50% of marriages end in divorce. When a man cannot stop being a mamma’s boy, yet ends up marrying by force, or to keep his parents happy. When the same man who promised to love and stand by her, and protecting her from all the evils in this world, ends up being the very pitch black out there she sought protection from. When a man who marries a woman, chooses to leave her within the 1st year of their marriage, for reasons only he knows. A man ought to be ashamed of calling himself a man, if he isn’t grown up enough to respect and love his wife, and be with her in her pregnancy, if he doesn’t care enough to see her in the hospital, or even bother to turn up for his son’s baptism. To this man, I say, If the only purpose of you marrying was to carry on your lineage, or your family name, you should have adopted an orphan. Then again, given your immaturity levels, and clinginess to your mother, you probably should have abstained from marriage altogether. By marrying to keep your mother happy, YOU, a moron with no sensitivity to the life of a girl, chose to enter into a loveless marriage, while all the time convincing her you loved her. You are lower than scum, than fungus, and if you’re out here reading this article, you know THIS IS YOU. You deserve no place on Gods green earth, and i despise you more than anything in the world for ruining the life of someone I care so much about and love.

Marriage, for our parents, was about marrying a person their parents thought was right for them, and had arranged and alliance with. It worked in their case, and their generation lived to tell us the same story, and to convince us that parents are the right ones to choose your life partner. Marriage today is disturbingly gravitating towards the bizarre, the ridiculous, and in extreme cases, as in the New Jersey church shooting, deadly dangerous. When I see things like this happen, at that moment, I forget everything else on my plate, the project due in less than 4 weeks, the job hunting, the other things in my life at the moment. Because, being in love, I know what it feels like to have someone hang on every single word of yours, to have someone who trusts you so inherently and love you to the core. I am lucky to have that, and maybe you (reading this) are too. Maybe you are in love, maybe you aren’t. For those in a relationship, this is a word of advice. Do not do this to  (a) Pass on your family name or have a child (b) To please your parents (c) To show society you’re not a failure. If you’re doing it for any of these reasons, this article was probably meant for you. You need to re-assess your priorities and purposes in being married right now. Don’t use marriage as a crutch to achieve your selfish objectives from it, and cast your spouse aside like trash. I don’t care if you’re man or woman, whoever you are, you have no right to ruin another person’s life.

Besides this one case i recounted, I have recently come to discover an animal side to another person I thought I knew. Always with a smile on his face, with an ever cheerful persona, little did i know of the character that lay beneath. A guy who can’t be responsible enough to manage his finances, to support his wife, who can’t even save enough money from his salary for their newborn child’s future. A man who lives with his in-laws instead of taking care of his wife, and hides behind his parents protective shield, as though he were still a child in diapers, rather than a married “responsible” man. When i observe such instances from such close quarters, I have all too often made myself a solemn promise not to repeat the same mistakes i see. Being only human, I have obviously failed too at times, and have been found wanting in implementing these thoughts. But let me put a word out there for all of you seriously considering marriage, or those already in it. Marriage is mutual, its sharing of love, life, and a little one, of respecting and loving your family and hers. Not letting things simmer till they reach boiling point, then reaching for your divorce lawyer’s phone number in the speed dial, or reaching for the gun in your pocket.

In a deeper sense, we may have become numb to these incidents given their alarming regularity in societies across the world today. Each day we see something new about a man killing his wife, a wife abusing her husband or vice versa, and we let it go and turn instead to the sports or comic section to get away from having to face up to the harsh reality. Truth is, as a collective species, its high time we realized that Darwin was indeed right about evolution. We have stepped back in reverse gear though, and each coming generation will be more and more de-humanized and more and more  automaton, unfeeling and void of emotion. As a collective race, its high time we stop ourselves from sinking into the process of reverse evolution, from turning ourselves into bitter, selfish and cynical human beings with no respect for human life. The sooner we realize and take a step backward from the filth that surrounds us. Man or woman alike, we all deserve happiness, and in making decisions that affect the happiness of other people, we should stop for a second, and think again. Life, specially another’s, is meant to be treasured and nurtured. Not torn down in one fell swoop. And if you feel you can’t nurture or love or care, ATLEAST don’t hurt, or kill, or tear down their world.

Love, and marriage defined by today’s standards, is bound by the heavy chains of same-caste, same-religion, with any deviance forbidden, and strictly frowned upon by society. To people who do this, and to parents who are adamant that their children marry only within their religion, and not “defile” their family, by marrying outside their self-imposed boundaries of religion, I ask, Whats more important. To ensure you marry within your caste ? Or to ensure that whatever the caste of your son/daughter’s spouse-to-be, they love your child more than anything, and will do anything to keep them safe and happy. If your answer is the former, you have some serious thinking to do. If, however, you’re in the latter category, then you know you’re doing right by your progeny, than doing right by society and its churlish norms and rules. Agreed, there is no guarantee that marriages borne of love, last longer than those arranged and set up by parents. Neither is there cold, hard fact to show that a Hindu-Christian marriage would last longer than a Hindu-Hindu marriage or a Christian-Christian one. However, atleast be open minded enough to acknowledge that a sincere Hindu/Muslim/Sikh/Jain/Buddhist/Jewish girl loves your son as much as a Christian girl would have. In making that acknowledgement, you subconsciously tear down the boundaries of mistrust, and foster in its place trust filled relationships with the people you love, than forge meaningless, loveless marriages that end up bringing into the world a child born out of necessity than true love.

We’ve all seen loveless marriages and relationships of convenience among friends, family or relatives. Dont bother about what society thinks. Make a promise HERE and NOW,  that YOU won’t ever be a part of one.

And from out of the ashes ……

4TH NOVEMBER . 2008 . 11:30 PM – A day that will long be remembered as the day the black man finally pushed down the walls that had been enforced on him through centuries of oppression, slavery, apartheid, and being denied the right to vote. And it happened in a manner so emphatic that even Senator McCain, him of the sleaze, underhand politics, and the name calling, couldn’t help but graciously accept his defeat at the hands of a man, who is without doubt, one of the most educated and knowledgeable candidates to ever stake claim to the office of president. It is hard to recall any such event of the past 50 years that has had such a pronounced effect worldwide, a consensus among people and premiers the world over, from Iran to Afghanistan, from Iraq to India and Kenya and Australia. The announcement that Barack Obama was the new president elect was greeted with widespread cheer on a scale unprecedented, and probably one which would never again be witnessed. For the lucky thousands that gathered at Grant park, I can only imagine the emotions that washed over the crowd that night. People were seen dancing in the crowd, some shedding tears of joy, others soaking in the momentous occasion. Never in history has a black man been cheered on by this large a following, and for good measure too.

In total contrast with the ups and downs of the most heated and hotly debated US presidential election in history, on Election day, there was a certain air of inevitability about the nationwide Presidential elections . For John McCain, it was about preparing his concession speech as millions of people nationwide waited long hours in serpentine queues to cast their vote. For Barack Obama though, the day was about preparing his victory speech at the Grant Park in Chicago, Illinois, the city that had witnessed the birth of the future leader of the country almost 21 months ago. It is impossible to conceive of the pressure that sat on his shoulders. The first African-american man to reach the top of the political ladder in over 200 years of existence. The youngest ever president, and yet one filled with so much hope and vision for change. No single man in history has mobilized a movement so all-encompassing, so powerful and so basic in its message: Don’t wait for change, BE the change. And so it was, that at close to 11:30 PM on a historic night, the wall of segregation, of racial discrimination, that monstrous edifice symbolic of a dark period in American history, was finally brought down in one emphatic fell swoop.

For the past 2 years almost, the Presidential campaign has held the collective breath of the American populace like none before, and probably like no future election will. Suddenly, it was cool to vote, it was fashionable to talk politics. Around the water cooler in offices, and at the family dinner table all across the nation, one singular topic held sway over a nation’s collective mind. Credit should be given here to both candidates in the race, for bringing such passion to the presidential race. Credit, although begrudgingly must also be given to George Bush, that wrecker-in-chief, for had it not been for his clueless, arrogant and inept handling of the country, these 2 men would not have had such a broad political platform from which to speak of their vision for change. Yet, both men chose contrasting paths to stake their claim to the coutry’s highest office. One spoke of the need for change, to walk away from the debris and the urgency of the need to begin reconstructing an America from the ashes. The other kept hitting away at the first, in the mistaken belief that this election was an audition for American Idol, and that repeated barbs over his opponent’s personal life over the 21 month period would win him the contest. As the weeks outgrew the days, and the months passed, a slow, almost invisible reconstruction began to take place in the grassroots of America as Obama and his campaign began spreading the word, knocking on doors, passing the promise on by word of mouth. As this movement gained momentum, it was evident we were on to something special here. Here was a junior senator from Illinois, barely 2 years young in the Senate, displaying the maturity expected of a leader, while in total contrast, Senator Maverick McCain, him of the 26+ years experience in the Senate, showed a childish ineptitude in coming to terms with the growing popularity of a man he had hardly heard of before.

All said and done, the following (in order) are the ones we need to thank:

• George Bush
• Dick Cheney
• Katie Couric
• Colin Powell
• Saturday Night Live
• Keith Olbermann
• Jon Stewart
• Steven Colbert

Without the foolish and inept handling of the country by the 1st two names, and the vocal and at times surprisingly partisan journalism the subsequent list of reporters demonstrated, it would’ve been largely impossible to defeat McCain’s campaign of hate, fear mongering and polarization. Although they weren’t as unbiased as we might like our news channels to be, one thing can be agreed upon: that they played an enormous role in ensuring that a relatively unknown senator from Illinois was able to surge his way up the party order, and garner a crowd of disgruntled citizens to move in the direction of progress and change. The work he did to mobilize this support at a grassroots level is worthy of appreciation. Everytime Obama was pushed on the backfoot by allegations of him “being a Muslim” (Yes apparently being a Muslim is now a crime in this country), his associations with Bill ayers or Jeremiah Wright, Obama responded in a manner befitting a man of his stature. Rather than be drawn into mud slinging matches, he stayed focussed on the job at hand, resurrecting the economy, providing an effective healthcare plan for the country, and focussing on reform.

More than anything else, in my mind, the Presidential Election of 2008 showed a yawning rift within the country, brought to the fore a nation divided by race and religion, and the elements trying to polarize the country. Now that the country FINALLY has an African-American president, I have one nagging question in the back of my head to ask of this country, of the countless journalists that report the events, of the citizens of the nation:  Can we stop classifying this country as blacks, asians, indians, pakistanis, americans, redskins, whites and others. When you refer to an African American, from now on, avoid saying African American. We know from decades and centuries of struggles by the blacks, that it is derogatory to refer to a person on the basis of color, irrespective of whether the reference is a complimentary or a derogatory one.There is no need to even mention the race of a person, for in acknowledging race or religion, we agree subconciously that it still somehow matters and give it an prominence it does not merit. While it is worth noting that President Barack Obama is a black, and the first man of color to reach the White House, lets take a vow here and now; to cease this reference to Obama,  (or the many other people of color that would ascend the highest government offices today, tomorrow or in the decades and centuries ahead) by their color or race. Joe the Plumber, Tito the Builder, Cathy the florist, and other such name-profession associations are almost on the same level of base, insulting comments as is racism. Barack Obama is an American first and foremost. He has succeeded in the first part of his career: in getting elected. Now as we look to the next 4 years, whether you’re republican, democrat or independent, whether you’re Indian, African, Asian, lets support the man we elected, and ensure that the nation doesnt go down the same path we did 8 summers ago. The time is here, and CHANGE HAS COME TO AMERICA. Let get to work to ensure this change is the one we’ve been waiting for.